I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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