If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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