Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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