if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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