"it" just moved
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
