My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
