I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
