smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
