yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
