No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
