I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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