I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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