I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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