I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
