Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
