NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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