I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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