just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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