I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
