So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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