dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I intend to get homeless drunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
