drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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