I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
