I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
