Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
