omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
