is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
