He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
did you just send me my own nude
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
