btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
