Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize