Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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