Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
