ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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