either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
