I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize