Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
