What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize