maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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