When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize