Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
