after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize