Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
