I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize