you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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