just tell him i said nine months
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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