It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
