someone get that fucking seahorse.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
