you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
