We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
