brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
