Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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