What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
