So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
