Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
