talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
