i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize