We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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