So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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