with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
