Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
