i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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