come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
