in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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