I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
