Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
