i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
