We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She made me pour olive oil on her.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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