bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
