nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
