I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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