booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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