I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
