Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
