I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
