i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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