the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
