I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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