i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
