the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
